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so, I had another dream about The Other Boy. This time, he and I and The Boy were sitting on the end of a bed. I was in the middle. Either The Other Boy was looking at a book or I was, but I was leaning over so we could both look at it, and I was trying not to actually touch him, because, you know, not only do I have a boyfriend but also The Boy is ~there~... But I kept leaning closer and closer to him, and farther from The Boy, and then I felt this pressure on my temple and I realized it was because I was resting my head on his shoulder. And I thought, you know, I'd been leaning there for a little while before I realized, and so The Boy probably already noticed, and The Other Boy doesn't seem to mind, so I just relaxed against him. I felt happy and comfortable and a little anxious, too.

Actually, The Other Boy came over last night, and he and I and The Boy went out to a bar. I ended up having a couple double scotch-and-sodas and getting wayyyy more drunk than I've been since probably before the term started.

Aaand, what else? Before that, I picked at some 'asian helper' but I just had NO appetite, even if I weren't trying to restrict. So I was chewing and chewing and chewing and I couldn't swallow. Sometimes that happens because I'm scared to swallow, but this time I think it was only a little bit that and mostly because I'd been drinking coffee all day. Which reminds me, I need to go pick up my ritalin refill. Actually, I've got an appointment at the end of the month to see about switching to Adderall.

Anyway, before that... okay, there was the coffee... what did I have for breakfast? Oh! I had 2 eggs scrambled with 4 tbsp of crumbled bacon and 1/3 cup of shredded cheese, fried in cooking spray. So, I counted that meal up to be about 470. Did I have milk? Ummm.... I don't think so. I think I just had coffee. And in my coffee I put whole milk and splenda. I'd say I had about 1/4 cup of milk in each cup. I had 4-6 cups, which I'll call 6, times... how many? Oh, 40 each makes 240. And four shots of liquor is 400, so... I guess I had about 1110 cals yesterday. That's pretty good, actually. I don't mind.

Now, today I'm on my second cup of coffee, which has 5 tsp in the first and 4 tsp in the second of dry creamer, which comes to 90 cals. A banana nut muffin is about 800 and the cream cheese... probably about 2 tbsp, so... like 102? Call it 100. So I've got what I'll call 1000 calories under my belt (no pun intended, really, I promise) right now. You know what that means. No more today.

Well, except coffee and alcohol. Oh, I need to take my vitamins.

Something good about both smoking cigarettes AND the collllld weather is that when I go outside I kind of jog in place while I smoke. Now that's 7 minutes, and I smoke 5-10 a day (if I'm not drinking/on stimulants). I don't always jog the whole 7 minutes, though... I do kind of this thing like I'm walking in place but only moving my knees and leaving my feet on the ground. Anyway, let's say a combination of that and jogging in place is roughly equivalent to 35 minutes a day of... okay, I'm going to finish my calculations in my private journal, this is getting silly.

Numbers and calculators, wooooo!!


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