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Lookee, I came back! I'm fucking FAT AS SHIT but it's cool coz I just moved back into a place of my own and already (it was only day before last) I'm remembering how easy it is not to eat when there aren't two fridges filled with frozen junk food. Today I had a 'sunrise' calzone (it's like... pineapple and green peppers and mozzarella and feta, I think?) from bellagio's and a diet coke. Of course, a calzone is basically a whole pizza folded in half, but whatever, that's all I've had. Plus a handful of stale kettle corn.

Anyway, I'm excited to see just how quickly the pounds will fall away (hint: very). I know it. Besides that, The Boy and I talked about breaking up at the end of the term, which is just a couple weeks away. Not that I want to break up (it's more on the complicated side) but I have a feeling that it would be good for me in terms of weight-loss.

It's obvious to me now that food/weight obsession has a lot to do with stress for me. It's a maladaptive coping skill. Because moving is always stressful, and I'm not sure I'm going to pass my math class, and if I don't pass math then I don't get financial aid for spring term, and that would SUCK and ughhhh... And I'm stressed just from being so fat... It's so bad that I finally just broke down and bought new pants, and they're size 16. I don't like that one little bit. No no no...

Oh well, oh well. I'm cold and I'm trying to convince myself that it's because I'm behaving myself and not because this is a tiny basement room (which is not even legally a bedroom and while there is a window there are bars over it, which means I'd better get a screwdriver if I want a hope in hell of escaping in case of fire).

In other news, I told The Boy how I felt about The Other Boy, and I told The Other Boy how I felt about him. He says he's "very flattered" which might not sound so good but honestly I feel somehow a little closer or more comfortable around him now. Besides that, he's going to take French with me again next term, so that's good, right? Especially if The Boy and I really do actually officially break up. Not that I have any kind of plot to capture The Other Boy, just that I want to still be friends with him and stuff... You know...

ahh ahh ahh I'm going to do some kind of planning and some kind of looking at pictures... even though after so many years it's starting to get old.

I don't know what else to do.

PS: Who else loves it when David Bowie goes, "You're not alone!" and feels like he's giving them a wonderful warm glittery hug?


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